Sex is a tricky subject to blog about.
In a way, if I choose not to write about sex at all, ever, I stay safe. I stay private. In some ways, I stay in the shallow end, with my Finding Nemo armbands on, blowing bubbles in the water. It’s fun and it’s low-risk. I also feel, however, like it strips me of a side of myself. I know that it definitely makes me feel very two-dimensional. If I avoid the topic entirely, I am Mr. Potatohead as a tortilla, is what I’m saying.
So far on this blog you’ve seen that I have nightmares, can’t dress myself and harbour a natural and healthy disdain for Donald Trump. I’m not sure how I’m coming across so far – and we’re only a month in – but if you’re thinking, ‘This girl seems like someone who is slightly unhinged, and listens to terrible, terrible music when she’s feeling down, and possibly owns a pair of rainbow holographic hi-tops from the children’s section of Walmart‘ then you’re about half the way there. I am not a complex creature.
Having said that, that’s only part of a whole. I make things to relax. I can bake excellent chocolate chip cookies. On any given day you can find me typing next to the nearest heat source. I enjoy drawing. I love to travel. All of these things are true, and pleasant, and wholesome.
And then sex.
How do you throw that into the mix? It feels a little like standing up in the middle of mass and peeling your top off; there are definitely going to be some shocked faces in the congregation. Some people will wish you’d kept it on, some people will likely hiss, ‘Nobody needs to see that,‘ and still others will probably just stand up and walk out.
Then again, I’m an adult, or at least that’s what my official documents tell me. I’m an adult who yesterday spent a not-inconsiderable amount of time on Reddit guiding a complete stranger through the world of lingerie. I advised on the pros and cons of different types, and answered questions about when and where and how to best wear it.*
I’m an adult, and like it or not, when you’re an adult sex is part of your life. Whether or not you’re actually having any, whether or not you’re interested in it, whether or not you even know what you’re doing… it’s unavoidable. Not mentioning it doesn’t make it disappear. I don’t want to infantilise myself by pretending that it doesn’t exist. This blog is about adulting, right?
And this is what I’ve noticed about the blogging world so far. Even though the vast majority of bloggers are adults (often in relationships or actively dating), there is a deep and apparently unbridgeable divide between bloggers who discuss sex, and bloggers who don’t. I’m not sure if this is to do with wordpress rules, cultural taboos, privacy, or general awkwardness, but whatever causes it, it’s interesting.
On one side of the sex-talk abyss we have people who blog about travel, lifestyle, beauty, fashion, food, life observations, and general musings. These people don’t seem to ever discuss sex. It just doesn’t come up. It’s like it doesn’t exist. They bake muffins and hike through forests and talk about their children – who presumably came into the world in the traditional way, and not through immaculate conception – without referring to it once. Not even obliquely. At most, if they’re female, they might drop a comment about birth control.
Then, on the other side, are bloggers who only ever seem to write about sex. Having it, not having it, how to have it, and so on. They have their own little subcommunity, it seems. They talk about everything sex-related. Everything and anything. No, really.**
I don’t want to pitch tent in either of these camps. I feel like I need to wander into No Man’s Land and find myself a spot somewhere in between. I don’t want to talk about the particulars of my sex life; I like my privacy and I’m comfortable treading water in the shallow end. On the other hand, it doesn’t seem right to ignore it completely. It’s a part of adulting! That and cervical smears…
I’m open to any suggestions on how I might be able to meld the two. Or if you have a blog and you’ve posted about sex, link me down below!
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to bake butterscotch muffins.
*I’m a big fan of lingerie. BIG fan.
**The rabbit hole goes really, really deep, guys. Just… just take my word for it.