personal · so that happened

Wise Men Say…

Quinn

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There is one teeny, tiny thing I neglected to mention in all of my rambling about Mexico.

I got engaged. We got engaged! There was an engagement?

Basically, what I’m saying is that there was a very happily accepted proposal, and I know that makes it sound a little like a business deal, but in actual fact it was both completely unexpected and eerily perfect, and not at all like a business deal.

More like a movie.

Or a telenovela.

I don’t talk about Scrubs much here because Scrubs is quite a private person, but we have been together for… a while. A long while. About eight years now. That sounds like a veritable eon, but it really doesn’t feel like it. The other day we were out having dinner and across the way from us a couple were sitting, sipping cocktails, having an awkward first date.

“Yeah, so I play the oboe,” the girl said.

“Oh right. That’s interesting.” Said the boy, sounding not at all interested.

“It’s quite time-consuming.” Brief pause as the boy digested this bit of information. She forged ahead. “I also play hockey.”

“Oh?” Said the boy. “Like, on grass?”

“Yeah, on astroturf. Sometimes we play on gravel though.”

Scrubs and I locked eyes over our potato wedges.

“Thank God we never had to do that whole thing,” whispered Scrubs, sounding like we narrowly avoided death by immolation or radioactive waste. I nodded in grave agreement.

It’s true that we never had that awkward first date. Timing, or kismet, or any number of factors combined to create a moment in which we simply connected like magnets. At the time that my world collided with his, I had passed through phases of singledom; I had been sad and lonely, then disappointed and bored, and (eventually) made it to the promised land of consummate enjoyment. After a rough patch of heartbreak I had finally discovered my happy place. I had found my groove, and I was making the most of it; everything was fun, and light-hearted, and there was a lot of dancing to bad music (there is still a lot of dancing to bad music but these days it’s mostly in the comfort of my own home). Then, that one night, our little world bubbles bumped into each other for no more than five minutes.

“I know you! Or … I know someone that knows you?”

“Yeah! I was on foreign exchange with someone you know!”

“I have to go, but we should meet up sometime?”

“Yeah, for sure!”

…and that was it. It sounds ridiculous and impossible even to my own ears, but I still vividly remember sitting in my taxi home, tipsily thinking about him and feeling absolutely infuriated. I remember having this clear gut instinct of, “This guy is going to be Something Serious with a capital S, and just when I was starting to have so much fun! Why did Something Serious have to come along now? Why couldn’t I have had a bit longer to enjoy my groove?”

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Just like this, except that Scrubs is younger and better looking… And I’m not a man.

Worth it, though.

We never really went on a first date. We simply met up to hang out one day and then just… were. I found a new groove, a better groove than I’d ever even dared to hope for, and we’ve continued on like that up to now.

If I’m honest, I wasn’t expecting the proposal at all. It blindsided me to such an extent that I didn’t really have a serious think about what it truly meant until afterwards. I think I was in shock for the first couple of days. It took me a minute.

One night I lay in the dark, staring at the ceiling, and thought long and hard about it. I realised that even though I’d always felt like we were in it for the long-haul, this was actually a Big Deal; this was an official, public, no-screwing-around, it’s-you-and-me-against-the-world type promise. I know that may seem obvious. It is obvious. I mean, that’s really the whole proposal question when you think about it. I needed a moment for it to sink in though. I needed a moment to turn it over in my mind and examine it from every angle. Now not only am I an adult, but I’m an adult with a fiancé! I still can’t say it out loud without turning red.

Nothing has changed. We are the same as we were before. Nothing has changed, and yet something has. Before, I knew that we loved each other and now, I KNOW it.

… But I already knew it, so what’s the difference?

I can’t tell. There is a difference but it’s something so tiny and sharp that I can barely figure out what it is. Something so miniscule it’s invisible but I can feel it, so I know it’s there.

I could write a long, long post here about Scrubs. I could write about the many reasons why I love him, and how he makes me a better person, and all the ways he makes me smile. I could write about how I still feel the same about him now as I did that night that he threw me off my groove and knocked me right into a different (and completely unexpected) lane.

I could write about all of this and more, but as I said before, he’s a private person. He would hate that.

So I didn’t write about it.

Not in so many words.

100 thoughts on “Wise Men Say…”

  1. Congratulations….that just sounds so typical….not at all like your groove story. I wish I could write some better response. Hipper. Cooler. At least something that fits better with your writing.
    Congratulations is all I’ve got.
    I wish I had some wise words to impart, but you seem to have it figured out better than I did.
    I wish I could recommend a song, but I’m sure you’ve got your own song.
    I certainly couldn’t (or wouldn’t) recommend a bible passage.
    Probably Judge Judy could give you some better wisdom that I.
    I should probably thank you for sharing, as I know how hard that can be.
    So were back to Congratulations! (exclamation point this time)

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      1. Perhaps it is because I am enjoying a Monday holiday (Victoria Day or May 24 for haters of the royal family) that I can have the presence of mind to be slightly witty. If I were at work, there is no way I could have done that.

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  2. Congratulations! I hope you’ll be as happy as me and The Lost Astronomer I can’t wish you any happier than that! 🙂

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  3. Congratulations!!! I’m so happy for you two. I don’t even know either of you, but I’m smiling from ear to ear. In relation to my comment on your last post: sometimes adulting isn’t so bad I suppose…

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      1. Yeah. I had a milkshake for dinner Saturday, and cheesecake for dinner last night! 😀
        (It was a birthday weekend for a dear friend, hence the awesome food choices)

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  5. Oh congratulations! How exciting….this is definitely something you don’t get a manual for, and I suppose you never will. However, sounds like you are on the right track…you and Scrubs against the world!! Yay!

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  6. Congratulations! I know what you mean about a change. For me it was like a new found respect, he’s big enough to accept me and my annoying isms for eternity, that’s impressive! Enjoy the wedding planning. Best. Party. Ever. Looking forward to reading about it.

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      1. Really? You’re mad woman! Who wouldn’t love spending 6 weeks debating over fonts for the invitations? Seriously though it is so much fun you will love it!

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  7. Congrats! I know exactly what you mean. My wife and I met and eventually became us in much the same way. Just sorta happened, and felt right immediately. No awkward dates, or any other typical form of dating. We were just us. That was 26 years ago. Enjoy the ride. It’ll only get better. 😊

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  9. You’re engaged?? Jesus, I knew you didn’t like me, but you didn’t have to go THIS far to make the point. So I guess I have no chance at all now, huh? Damn. My wife is gonna be disappointed.

    Still, congrats, and many happy! I hope you and your publicity shy squeeze have as long and filthily happy a marriage as me and mine own chattel. You crazy kids deserve it.

    Oh – and learn to play the oboe. It’ll help your marriage. That guy was an idiot for passing up a girl who could do that with her mouth.

    All the best. Seriously 🙂

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      1. Sure. Every guy wants to marry Donna Reed deep down. (Man, talk about an ancient cultural reference. Still, it was brilliant if you got it.)

        You’re welcome. It was sincere. 🙂

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  15. Marriage? Take it from me, why would you want to go and ruin a good thing with the M word? 😛 Don’t mind me, I’m just a little down on marriage right now.

    Congratulations! Health, wealth, love, and happiness to you both!

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  16. Congratulations! It beats the first date I had with Mrs Astro – I slipped and fell over in a muddy puddle on the way back from the cinema. Ever since, she’s been infatuated.

    She’s very odd like that…

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    1. To be fair… that made me laugh and I didn’t even witness it first hand! An endearing move; couldn’t have gone better if you’d planned it!

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  18. Wow that’s amazing Quinn, Congratulations ! Pretty cool place to get engaged too, abroad in a different place experiencing new cultures, cuisines and experiences! Thats awesome

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  19. I am over the moon for you, congratulations ! I totally understand how you feel we got engaged after 7.5 years so it was already the real deal but the proposal made us both feel like we had just started dating again, like falling in love all over again. XO

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  20. Congrats. To this day, 20 years later, Susan still sometimes blurts out “We’re married” like it’s a big surprise. I suspect in the future you’ll be looking for the marriage manual on the same shelf that’s missing the adulting manual. But just like being a great adult, I’m sure you’ll be a fine married person.

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    1. Hahahaha that made me very happy, to think there are other people out there exclaiming the obvious in total surprise. I do that way more than I thought was normal, so I’m glad Susan is with me at least!

      And thanks; I’m telling you, someone needs to get a move on with the manuals. Time is creeping on and I am still fumbling in the dark!

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    1. There’s a serious bravery in stepping away from something that isn’t working. Of course when you get engaged I guess there isn’t a soul who anticipates that ever being the case (and I’m hoping eight years of having each others’ backs counts for a good lead-in), but it happens… Life is unexpected for better or for worse. Thanks for the wishes. I hope that you have many, many years of happiness too!

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  26. The beauty with modest smile, whose secrecy of silent love had just been stolen, beamed at this wonderful offer and she replenished herself with his love as a carefree child cossetted with luxurious warmth after a cold shower. ^^ Love’s in the air, Congrats Quinn 🙂

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  27. Congratulations Quinn! This has warmed you my heart so much! Everything about you and Scrubs story is soaked in a quaint loveliness that is both like a fairytale and yet a real one.

    I’m so happy for you too and the start of your new journey : Q & S against the world!

    Ama 🙂

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  30. Congratulations!! I don’t know either of you but, this makes me so happy! Good strong relationshipss make me happy. I’m smiling ear to ear right now. I guess he loved your newly coloured hair!!

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      1. It’s exciting I am sure! My best friend got engaged this year after being with her guy for about 5 years. It really changes everything, but in a good way. I think it’s exciting!!

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      3. I love it 🙂 I look forwarding to watching you grow in this, it really changes your life in some interesting ways. Even though you’ve been with each other for as long as you have, it’ll be different once you are husband and wife. Like I said, exciting!!

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    1. Yet another amazing post by you! Can’t think of anything more “adulty ” than actually getting engaged. But you make it sound like everyone should be eager to getting engaged themselves. Congratulations really 🙂

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  35. Wow! Massive. Congratulations! How very exciting! When my husband and I got engaged we kept saying to each other “thank goodness we never have to go through awkward first dates again!” Even though we never went on a first date to begin with. It’s a wonderful feeling and marriage is great! Enjoy ❤️

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  36. First of all!! CONGRATS! While super scary and adult, I’m happy for you. Second of all – sorry in so behind in your blog! DAMN BUSY WORK WEEKS! Sending my love to you from me and all my fuzzy critters ♥️♥️

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  37. All the congratulations and well wishes and warmest sentiments in the world! Glad you two have found each other for this journey!

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  39. Oh wow – congratulations Quinn!! Completely get what you mean about the fiancé thing, we have been married for 17 years and I still snigger to myself when I call Phillip my ‘husband’…it sounds..so…grown up!

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  40. Jumped in the deep end straight to serious adulting 🙂 Been there for 43 years myself – OMG! What happened? I’m sure it was only yesterday. We didn’t have a manual either. I think you just have to write your own. Don’t bother waiting for someone else to do it. Seriously though, congratulations. You might want to consider eloping – saves on all that planning and stuff.

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